There

For once in my life I made the decision. The hard one that will leave me spinning out of my carefully planned timeline of life events. I am left asking, now what? The plan was to get married(check), buy a home(check), get my Associates Degree(check), get accepted to the Oneonta(check), attend Oneonta as soon as possible to obtain my Bachelors Degree (Fail).

I feel like I have pulled my chest open and now Im exposed and completly vunerable. The next checklist includes something like this.

• Find an enjoyable part time job
• Get back to my illustration work for a local author
• Start an art class taught out of my home for homeschool children
• Volenteer with the Magic Paintbrush Project
  
  
  

!!! list orgy!!!

Awesomest app ever!!!!!!!!!!http://http//teuxdeux.com/list

oh dear

two final exams tomorrow, then i am done, i will graduate. then its off to another school to pursue a higher degree. that seems noble enough. but then, why? why do i feel like i need something else? not something to plump up my meager resume, but to enrich who i am as a person.

???

do i take a semester off? earn some money, take a breather, do something that i will enjoy??? or should i go. go to university, have a lot of stress, possibly not get federal or state aid, did i screw up my fafsa? i dont know. stressbombs are ruining my life right now...

lovely things for christmas

what could be awesomer than saving some cash in a venus de milo piggy bank?

because, seriously, everyone needs a little stache in thier life

for when i dont want to get my awesome hairdo wet...

the last day

today may be the last day that i sit at starbucks with my friends. I graduate, then I am heading off to another school, and this may be the last day.. its sad.

lists of lists

I love lists, i dont really know why, perhaps because it adds some semblance of order to my life, i recently wrote this list in moleskin to cheer myself up...
Things thst make me happy:
- Starbucks with friends
- Tea
-Days I don't have to go to work
-Tests being rescedueled for a later date
-Finding money in your pocket that you forgot about
-Pretty green plants
-Buckets and buckets or flowers
-Being with Sam
-Thrift Stores
-The Holidays
Pretty socks
- Having money to buy things for my house

a day off

this is my day off...my husband wakes me at six am as he leaves the house and i stumble out of bed after him to kiss him goodbye and to slao snag the advil i left in the living room last night. unfortunatly instead of staying up, geting my shower and coffee, i go back to bed and snooze till 8am, then get up in panic.. thinking im drastically late to work... of course its my day off. but my day off has been carefully constructed so that i can cordone myself to the couch with my laptop so that i can finish writing all those lovely papers that are due tomorrow. and study for my art history final.... tomorrow... but honestly.. all i want to do is hide in a corner of my house and cut out pretty pictures from magazines and glue them into my "i like this" notebook making pretty calloges....

living in a room called the living room...

This pretty sums up the motif of my living room.... my sister whi is fabulous, came over to my house the other day and remarked that it didnt loom like a man lived threr except for the mens clothing in the closet... im hoping that this is a compliment due to the clean? factor, and maybe the abundance of candles?

falalala...

my first christmas, in my own home, with my husband. I cannot wait. currently i am listening to an itunes holiday radio station. Although i do not really have a lot of money to buy christmas decorations, i have been haunting targets clearence, and been snooping at the local thrift store for what i can find... next weekend sam and I are going to borrow a nieghbors pickup and use a flimsy handsaw to hack down an overcomercialized part of christmas tradition... the pine tree. pine pitch awaits.....

aggghhh

right now i am supposed to be hacking away at the mountain of studying and homework as this is to be the last week of classes, finals this week and next, everything due at the latest on thursday...... and instead i am filled with inspiration to other things. i fail like that :)

confessions

i read about a million fashion blogs religiosly... i was homeschooled and with that came no introduction into the nitpick world of public school "style". So growing up i wore baggy handme downs and castoffs and had nothing to dress up for so i always dressed down. When i was a teen i went goth(my version of rebeling), which was great for attention, it was like a mask i could wear in public. people could look at me and see hopefully that i was a tough chick.
well that was all fine and good, untill i started college, then i realized that dressing as one clique or identity was pretty lame and it isolated me from the people that i would later come to call my good friends.
soooo, i started looking online for help and i found www.painfullyhip.com and from there it just grew. now i no longer try to fit into any one slot of style, if i like it, then i will wear it.

ordering wedding invites tonight... just found out that my soon to be hubbies eyecare insurance allows designer eyeglass frames..... loving the whole togetherness thing... i cant wait to be married.... now to find a place to live....

blogging

oh blogging, we have a love hate relationship...i do wish that i could blog more... but i dont. when i love you i blog like crazy, then i forget you for weeks... right now i am working 50 hours a week, illestrating a childrens book and planning a september wedding and looking for an apartment... so i am very busy. i feel horrible because i havent painted anything in way to long. my easel sits forlorn beckoning me. time, i need more time.

happy birthday to me on mooonday... unfortunalty i have classes all day long, so i cannot stop to celebrate my twentieth year on this eath untill evening. i am starting my celebrations tommorrow evening, with the artwalk, my sister and boyfriend shall be escorting me, it is made doubly nice by the fact that on of my linocut prints is being exbited in the comminity college art show. very hard to get into this year so i am very grateful to be in it. then saterday to dinner with the boyfriend, then pick up my artwork if nobody has bought it, the pricetag is $50ish. maybe, it would be nice to cover the cost of buying my supplies for the class, at least some of the cost, art classes are expensive.

mmmhmmm

oh joy, life is at its best... right? i have supposedly blossomed into some sort of desirable young leggy thing that all the men would love to have. well, thats not what i want. there is no respect in the blind lust that our society encourages. "omg look at her tits!mmmhmmm and that fiiiine ass, i would looove to hit dat." yeah, i think not.

summer dreams

my summer:
early mornings, hot sweaty days lost in a factory putting boxes in boxes. trying desperatly to make time to create art, meet and hang out with friends, spend time with my beloved, and not get lost in the overwhelming tide of stressfulness of working 50 hours a week.
Although, he did as a present to us, buy season passes to a localish theme park. My family goes camping in the summer for weeks on end, and I join them for weekends when i can, the camping place is about 4 hours drive from where we live, so the drive is daunting. But the theme park is less than an hour from where we camp, so we hope to go ride rollercoasters on the weekends fairly often this summer. I cant wait.
I dont have a specific reading list for this summer, working asd much as I will be, but oddly enough, i read more in the summer than at any other time. Its mainly because I get a half an hour lunch break that i spend in my car reading.
Hopefully this summer will be a good summer, which to me means good relationship happenings, a tan, and lots of fun, and not not not getting to overwhelmed with work.

this summers hair cut..wish me luck

life in general

well, i got paid for my illastration work. i have been so tempted to go out and have a spending spree, but i shall try to wait untill i know exactly what i want else i shall save it.

spring break

is it pathetic of me to say that I cannot wait for spring break to be over... not that i miss my classes..just my art ones, not astronomy, espeacially astronomy. But, its thursday and I already have 40 hours in at work, and tomorrow another ten will be added to that sum... this makes me sad, becasue it is how i am going to be spending my summer... cooped up inside a factory.

CONDOM DAY

So, today community colleges around the US are giving away free condoms in anticipation of spring break. The frenzy of just out of high school pimple faced abercrombie wearing teens grabbing at the chance of free latex to sheath their sallow ambitions is quite pathetic. As if condoms are way expensive, or that they exist for free things, or even worse, the only time that they get or use condoms is when they are given to them for free. So stuff you purse, stuff your pockets, or better yet, save yourself from the fear of stds and aids, wait for marriage, ABSTINENCE!

french vanilla

at the moment my beloved is complaining about missing our tv show to make me my favorite ice cream dish...which includes melted peanut butter, chocolate syrup, and ice cream... i suppose i should cut him some slack. As i cut his hair tonight, i nipped his ear a tad...but it didnt bleed so, its all good. maybe the next commercial break...

past memories

my past is mine and mine alone, the memories that connect us are shared but are owned by perspective. What seemed to you as innocent times, were for me, horror films come true in the haymow. A seven year olds stockings, opaque and white, crumpled
thrown on the floor, as he bent over me, and his breath was in my hair.

la familai

Is there anything more comforting and distressing as family? Mine happens to be a bit larger than normal. But the premise is still the same. As I sit here at my computer, I can hear the sounds of two or three of them bickering, the teapot whisltling, the opiate television lulling four or five of them into a peaceful catonic state of sleepiness. and the rest of them are creeping about trying to avoid thier bedtime. My family numbers fifeteen, two parents, four sons, and nine daughters, and I am the oldest.

So, I am gonna try to do the blog thing again, we will see, I usually get way busy and forget about it for forever, so this time hopefully i can update once or twice a week. I warn you, I am opinionated about many things, and I am unrepentant about those opinions. I attend community college, i am an art magor, i like old things and drink tea as if I am worried it will be banned.

why?

this doesn't happen here, not at home, this kind of thing happens somewhere else. Far away else. Yet, it did, it does, it happened. How do you go on? Daily life will resume, and everyone who wasn't affected will be able to slowly regain a feeling of normalcy, it is already happening.